dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
