I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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