one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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