On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
