Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
