your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
