i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
