There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
