if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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