His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My penis needs a shock collar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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