Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
