I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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