With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
