I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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