Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
