I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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