Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
