Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
