well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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