And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I believe in your delicious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
