Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
