I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
