Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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