I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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