I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
