can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
