i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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