I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
