'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
