that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
