They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
