Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
