then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
