3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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