What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I'm really busy with my period
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