At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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