Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
