based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's paper in my vomit.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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