and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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