Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
