You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
from now on my penis is your penis
i love accidental penises.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
