It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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