is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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