But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
