One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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