I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
