Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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