Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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