It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
