its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
