I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
