I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
