How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
