called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
