I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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