i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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