i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
