glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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