when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
