Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
