glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?