i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.