I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
