So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
