I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
