im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
