I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were trust falling into bushes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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